Recap in…5: The 2012 Episode

Roll up, roll up, it’s finally arrived. Your wait is over, leave your coats at the door, because now is the time for this YEAR’s episode of Recap in… 5! Rob and Guesty take a wonder down 2012 Lane and discover all the things they didn’t like about it, all over again! It’s a special one, so stop reading this, get inside and give it a bloody good eyeballing!

Firewatch: Isolation, Beauty, Philosophy Simulator

Firewatch: Isolation, Beauty, Philosophy Simulator

I”M BACK. I mean. For the moment. Here’s a stream of unintelligible thoughts I had when I played Firewatch a little while back. I quite liked it.

Super Sunday Sweep! – Win NASCAR 2011!

Here we go then, the first ever Respawn competition! We’re moving up in the world and so could you be, with one of these salacious codes for the newly released EU version of NASCAR 2011. If you’re as awful as us, you’ll spend most of the time scraping bits of your right side door off the barriers, but luckily, being as awful as we are is UNLIKELY. Get involved YOU ALL.

Batman: Arkham City Review

Once Guesty finally finished frothing at the mouth, we sat him in the office and beat some words out of him. The first were all pretty much indistinguishable gargles, then after a month or so he started actual words, but preceded every one with Holy- something or other. Eventually he strung a coherent sentence together and BANG. Here we are. Check out what we think of Rocksteady’s follow up to the stunning Arkham Asylum, have they kept a tight hold of that prestigious gaming crown, or has the Penguin gone an’ ‘ad it!? FIND OUT HERE AND SUCH.

TRAILER ROUND UP – Little girl zombies, horrendous explosions

Here’s a couple of our favourite trailers from this week, starting with the viral DEAD ISLAND, and its resultant spin offs from all over the community! We also take a look at the latest BULLETSTORM offering, a truly, inarguably badass affair. WATCH!

Narrative Design: Pacing, Difficulty and How Metal Gear Rising Got it Right

Rob played Metal Gear Rising back in February, and besides euphorically slicing and dicing anything he can get a butter knife in to since, it’s also managed to make him yearn for a bigger emphasis on narrative design and its correct marriage to gameplay mechanics. Find out what on Earth he’s blabbering on about inside! And that.

Max Payne 3: Review

Our Max Payne 3 review looms ardently into the bullet and alcohol-splintered centre stage as Rob sits down with Rockstar’s third entry into this legendary series to have a good, hard chat with it. In slow motion too. He’s still there. It’s going on forever. Get inside and find out what we thought of Max’s Brazilian excursion!

Nvidia Shield | Eurogamer Expo Hands-On

We’re at it again! This time we’ve got our hands ALL OVER the Nvidia Shield, something we were very much looking forward to doing! Find out what we thought of the machine, and our hopes for its rather uncertain future inside! Well get in then!

Scott Pilgrim Vs The World: The Game: The Comic: The Difficulty Curve

Guesty demonstrates our combined incompetance in graph formulae

App Attack: Fable III Kingmaker

Guesty stops doodle jumping and cutting ropes and making lightsabre swooshy noises long enough to review Lionhead’s Fable III-twinned app ‘Kingmaker’. An application of royal occasion, or of rebellious resentment? Either way, that is a dreadful metaphor.

REVIEW: Anarchy Reigns

Guesty finally got off his ass and decided to write a review for a game that came out months ago. Isn’t that nice of him? This game crawled out from under the woodwork, much like Guesty after his four day bender of drinking nothing but Mountain Dew he bought from a man in a grey van in some car park. We’re all a little worried about him. Read his review so we can convince him to go cold turkey from the “Dew.”

Hayley Games: They Call it the Easy Life

Hayley is BACK, which is more than can be said for most of our other writers or comic creators. It’s not our fault. Honestly. Anyway, dive on in to Hayley’s latest scribbling in which she bodily tackles Easy Mode to the ground as a girly gamer, speaks brashly of its merits and denounces those that denounce it! Hoorah!

Wolfenstein: The New Order | Eurogamer Expo Hands-On

We’re BACK AGAIN folks with yet another Eurogamer Expo hands on! This time we valiantly and charitably take on the robotic might of the Nazis in Wolfenstein: The New Order. Is it good? Is it bad? Were we REICHtously impressed? (Sorry) Find out inside. Obviously.

E3 2012 Summary

Yes, it happened nearly a month ago, but that doesn’t faze us. Oh no. Here’s Rob’s round-up of E3 2012, all the… games? No wait, all the… new… hardware…no, no that either. Urm, I don’t know there’s something in there, just get inside and read it will you? Well go on then!

REVIEW: Theatrhythm

Reviewing with the audacity of man wildly pointing out the weather, Tom slams down his copy of Theatrhythm and scribbles us a rip-roaring review on the latest portable Final Fantasy outing, this one coming complete with tap shoes and jazz hands! Is this everything it sounds? Thankfully no. Get inside and find out what we thought why not!

Child of Eden: Let’s Not Play VIDEO

The first of our Let’s Not Play videos swans into view, entitled so because, let’s face it, we can’t really play anything. Well not to any sort of standard anyway. Here we’re seen diving around wildly in front of the telly attempting to take on Child of Eden; lewd comments, confusion and a broken coffee table in tow! Hoorah!

Red Dead Redemption: Undead Nightmare Review

Guesty is left face to face with the horde in Red Dead Redemption’s October Offspring. He gets round to letting you know JUST what it’s like, and helpfully reminds you of Rule #2: Double Tap.

Grow Home: A Time Machine for Not-Quite Yesteryear

Grow Home: A Time Machine for Not-Quite Yesteryear

I played Grow Home quite a while ago now, but here I am, many weeks later, trying with a breathless, unhinged enthusiasm, to explain why it felt like a PS2 game in the very best way.

Lego: Pirates of the Caribbean Review

Guesty dips a foreboding toe into the LATEST of the Lego games, this time they’re digitally plasticising good ol’ Captain Jack Sparrow, and all of his pirate friends. Does he like it? Is it any good? Have Lego games finally dropped the ball? Were they ever even carrying it?? We definitely doubt it. OR DO WE? Find the answer to all of this and much less, inside.

You best start believing in reviews Miss Swan, you’re reading one. (Or you will be momentarily, providing you click the picture. Go on. It’s right there)

We know, we know…

So! The last week or so has been quiet. Too quiet. Like that bit in that movie. And whilst we all sit reverberating slightly from the ROLLERCOASTER ride that GAME have ridden the last few weeks, the upshot of it all is, we’ve been busy playing Mass Effect 3. Amongst other things. And haven’t really noticed. Guesty fancied illustrating those things by way of THE PEN. The digital pen. Click for an accurate, true-to-life depiction of what we’ve definitely been up to!