In the dithering aftermath of E3, wherein Sony were forcefully, magnificently reunited with their former crown in a storm of whooping and cheering an awkwardly scripted E3 actor would be proud of, Rob bafflingly reasons that the Xbox One DOES has a future, donning his Sherlock Holmes cap and a pushy attitude to explain why, citing their once rumoured Fortaleza glasses, and the cloud! I say!
Eurogamer Expo 2012 is upon us, and what better way to celebrate than with a voraciously excitable guide! Inside you’ll find everything you need to make the most of the expo, and we even refer to Guesty in a disparaging manner once or twice! If you’re going, you need this! If you’re not… well read it anyway, why not.
With 1,2 and 3 down it’s finally time to Nathan Drake all the way to the finish line with Uncharted 4: A Thief’s End. Did the new gen iteration stand up to the test of a hardware leap? Did Rob fall asleep before the end? Find out alll this and less in the review!
We’re really hammering these out this year aren’t we. PS4 down, Xbox One to take the stage. Can Microsoft’s EGX 2013 offering compete? Will there be any games? How long would it take to bludgeon an innocent man to death using the console itself? The answers to these questions are not inside this preview! Get in and have a read. Well go on then.
If you’re into arbitrarily delusional nostalgic spiels that don’t make a lick of sense, then Rob is going to OH-BLIGE your cravings by sticking together a short, unhinged and largely directionless jibber jabber about the current generation. In light of GTA V moments away from hitting shelves, he takes a moment to look into the last eight years.
Rob masks a desperate plea for a game based on Phillip K Dick’s mind-malfunctioning A Scanner Darkly behind some nonsensical rambling about drugs and video games and the inevitable downfall of the human race! Perfect Sunday evening reading by anybody’s standards. So long as those anybodies don’t have standards of course.
We thought it was high time SOMEONE said SOMETHING about this game. And then several weeks after we thought that, we bought it. Here then, is not a Minecraft REVIEW. Because it’s still in beta. But a handful of interesting indicators as to why Rob has lost his mind down a mine somewhere, and why we think a square-headed cow is probably responsible. READ ON AND SUCH!
It’s BEEN ANNOUNCED. Yes it was the other week, but we needed a moment to get Rob down off the ceiling before he reverted to be his normal, detestable, blibbering self. We hate Rob. If you hate Rob too, why not read his latest illegible spieling about the PLAYSTATION 4. He’s listed six reasons why he won’t want to talk to you when Sony finally crack this freshly revealed slice of tomorrow out! Well? Go on then.
It’s THE WEEK IN GAMES. Well sort of. Here’s this week’s inane rambling about how GDC and Valve made Rob feel ALL EXCITED for games again. Just like when he was a small child, locked in a basement, excited at the prospect of sunlight. Or something.
How quickly can Rob ruin your next prospective purchase with nought more than unending incessant rambling that will undoubtedly shuffle you mildly to the brink of sanity, and then cheekily poke you over the edge? The answer is eleven minutes, as we find out this week in our Future Soldier beta test video!
What a show. Sony managed to be both misleadingly docile and spectacularly showy in their E3 2013 keynote. Find out what Rob’s barely awake, ostensibly malfunctioning brain made of it all inside! Oh and there’s that cheeky video below as well!
Far Cry: The Wild Expedition generously crams FOUR killer (well, mostly) games onto one disc, and in celebration, here’s a short synopsis of each game cleverly disguised as a reason to buy it! Because we all love lists don’t we. Lists and reasons. Reasons and lists. Jump on in to find out WHAT I THINK. Since you obviously care so much.
Rob hasn’t been able to GET OFF Far Cry 3 this week! Why? Because he’s rubbish and can’t play any game properly? Well, yes, but it’s also because of THE SHINY THINGS. Or that’s what he claims anyway, read his gurgling apology inside and find out why you should be picking up the gaming equivalent of crystal meth RIGHT NOW. Sort of.
Another comic looms ardently into view and with a due sense of of exhaustion and dread we IMPLORE you to check out Mr Guest’s latest scribbling! Forgetting things really is his domain. Give it a click then!
Here we go then, Microsoft were first out of the gate, and right here’s what happened and what we thought! Dive on in to find out how much the console will be, when it’s out and what delicious games are shuffling out for it too! Blimey.
Rob’s up next for his Of the Year BIT; is there ANYTHING that’s managed to conjour even a convoluted smile this year? Is there anything that’s caused a tall-standing-lamp-throwing rage? Is there anything that’s invoked a vague sense of reserved achievement in amongst 2012’s trundling nuances? Not sure? Neither is he, as this article proves! Get inside and have yourself a shufty boys and girls!
Rob played Metal Gear Rising back in February, and besides euphorically slicing and dicing anything he can get a butter knife in to since, it’s also managed to make him yearn for a bigger emphasis on narrative design and its correct marriage to gameplay mechanics. Find out what on Earth he’s blabbering on about inside! And that.
The Stanley Parable designer William Pugh has put out another game. It’s brilliant and free and everything you are not. Play it now. Drink it in. Improve your life.