Welcome, you poor, poor fools, to the brand NEW Respawn in… 5! It’s lighter than before, which means the colour scheme is less likely to make you want to tear your eyes out at five minute intervals. In fact, we’re entirely entrusting that wanton acts of self harm will be brought on exclusively by the content itself from now on, that is of course to say, sorry for all the garbling. Or more, sorry for the distinct absence of said garbling because we’ve been more silent in the last few months than we’ve been in EVER. And when I say ever, I mean the handful of years we’ve been kicking around in the dregs of the internet trying to look busy. The reason for that, and for this shiny new paint job, which is still wet so don’t touch it please, is that we were hacked. Hacked to bits, in fact. We felt like PSN cira 2009. Except, y’know, competent.
Anyway, they got all up in our grill and managed to leave some pretty unscrupulous looking code hanging about on our pages, you know the kind, shifty sort of look, always avoiding eye contact, skulking about near the back of the room wearing a large, pastel coloured trenchcoat. Kind of sounds like my Uncle Pete actually. The long and short of that story, other than potential references to childhood molestation of course, is they did IRREPARABLE damage to us. Or, it was probably irreparable anyway, so we burnt it and started again! Hoorah.
So what’s really changed then? What does listening to me ramble on incoherently about my childhood and break ins actually buy you? Well namely the gift of sight, due to the background no longer being an eye-juicingly dark grey, and thus making the text somewhat readable! Somewhat. Other than the look though, there’s not much more to get your teeth stuck on, other than of course our COMMITMENT. That’s right, you, the lucky reader, will now be subject to MORE FREQUENT POSTS. We’re changing the format slightly, but I think we can all agree nobody’s going to complain about anything that’s being actively changed around here. Not only that, but we’ve ventured out into the murky, turd-infested waters of YouTube and can confirm there will be videos. Lots of videos. Maybe. There’ll at least be some, as you can find out about in this shiny FIRST video below! Ta da!
And that’s it, that’s your lot. If you’re brand new to Respawn, it does what it says on the tin; brash, nonsensical, gaming-related doo-hickery with an often embittered but never justified gallon of unsolicited opinion bucketed over the top for good luck, all brought to you with the vivacity and demeanour of a man wildly threatening to cut his own hair in the street to no one in particular.
Boom boom pow, away!