PARENTING! There’s a subject we’ve not covered much, but lowe and behold wait around long enough and a monkey turns into a Spanish Einstein. Or something. The BBC have been dicks about Minecraft. Here I am telling people how to bring up their kids as a result.
ACCESSORIES, we all love those don’t we? Well no. Not if you ever bought a dodgy second Playstation controller. Or one of those ridiculous Wii tennis racket things. I had a go on the Roto VR and speculate about the part accessories will play in VR gear in this latest Monday blether!
Monday has returned! With a due sense of foreboding and dread, here I am discussing why I spent so long staring at a menu in Peacewalker, and how it’s not even the first time it’s FLIPPING happened. /delirium.
It’s THE WEEK IN GAMES. Well sort of. Here’s this week’s inane rambling about how GDC and Valve made Rob feel ALL EXCITED for games again. Just like when he was a small child, locked in a basement, excited at the prospect of sunlight. Or something.
Nintendo enter 2015 facing yet more problems, but it’s OKAY because Rob thinks he has the answer. He doesn’t. Or does he? See how his solution withers and falls apart inside!
It’s time for POLITICS. Sort of. Not really. Here’s recent discussion magnet, controv-em-up Hatred and why we think this pretty despicable game’s existence is endangers the future of our beloved industry! Heck.
We’re BACK! Hooray! But before the ceremonies begin and you get used to this fancy new layout, Rob takes a moment to SPEAK OUT, as we seemingly can’t get him to stop doing, on Gamergate, a relatively recent fiasco that has swiftly sent games industry progress thundering back around 10 years!! Hoorah! Wait… not hoorah. Jump inside and find out what we’re on about EH.
Rob masks a desperate plea for a game based on Phillip K Dick’s mind-malfunctioning A Scanner Darkly behind some nonsensical rambling about drugs and video games and the inevitable downfall of the human race! Perfect Sunday evening reading by anybody’s standards. So long as those anybodies don’t have standards of course.
Rob finally, ineloquently stumbles through the world of GTA Online, hand-held every step of the way by an experienced comrade yet still managing to feel, amongst other things, total isolation, irradiating jealously and ultimately, an active yearning for something less exciting. Who knows. Get inside and find out what he’s blathering on about then!
Microsoft’s Ken Lobb has trounced the ancient act of counting, claiming Crackdown’s latest doesn’t need a number three so there. Rob gratuitously takes this opportunity to moan about the art of dropping numbers in general.
We’re BACK. Because it’s E3. So. Y’know. Here’s why Microsoft did everything they said they would, and technically everything we wanted, but still managed to be a little on the quiet side. Jump in for the first of our E3 2014 articles, and watch Rob desperately try to enjoy himself. Ahem.
Jack Tretton has thrown the towel in. We suppose he had the mic wrapped up in there too, as we all know how he likes to lob those things about. As is the case though, Rob gives a little ode to ups and downs of Jack’s recent years tugging on the reins of Sony, and how in one fell swoop, everything changed for everybody’s favourite nervous uncle.
Far Cry: The Wild Expedition generously crams FOUR killer (well, mostly) games onto one disc, and in celebration, here’s a short synopsis of each game cleverly disguised as a reason to buy it! Because we all love lists don’t we. Lists and reasons. Reasons and lists. Jump on in to find out WHAT I THINK. Since you obviously care so much.
We’re BACK. Which is to insinuate we went away! Which we did! Only momentarily over Christmas whilst we drank ourselves into a furious haze that coupled over-nourishment might well have killed us! Anyway, we’re back from whatever that is, and are on hand here to tell you why 2014 will be less bad than you expected! Like Windows 7. But not Windows 8. H’oh no. Get inside and give it a butchers, kids!
We stick our ore in where it isn’t required and find out why Forza 5 caused such an uproar and ask what it means for the future? Also Turn 10 are disappointed in themselves. Well so you should be Turn 10. So you should be. Now go to your room and think about what you’ve done.
After tailing off on some story from several millenia ago, in which he also fleetingly mentioned Nvidia, Rob decides to show rampant displeasure in the face of other people SAYING THINGS. Namely Nvidia, who, by and large, manage to say very little in their interviews. More inside kids, get inside and slap your eyelids on this ‘un eh! EH!
ANOTHER Gone Playing? Yes, two of the same thing in a row, but we’ve not had anything to say all month, presumably because Rob’s been running our Stanley into the ground. Sort of. Watch as he coagulates with shameless joy in this post, and remember the days when he used to DISLIKE things with misty eyes! Why not.
To hell with reviews we say! Well, we don’t, but if we were going to, then this is how we’d say it! Find out about our brand new section Gone Playing, and whilst you’re there have a butchers at five questionable reasons we couldn’t get off GTA V! And people say we’re not real journalists. Cuh!
We make brash, nonsensical doomsday predictions about the future in a manner by which the Daily Mail have hailed ‘not too bad, keep at it and maybe we’ll make snakes of you yet’. Sort of. Jump inside and find out what Rob thinks of all the parkour in Titanfall and Dying Light and explains why it DEFINITELY spells trouble for us all! Sort of. Okay not really.
We’re at it again! This time we’ve got our hands ALL OVER the Nvidia Shield, something we were very much looking forward to doing! Find out what we thought of the machine, and our hopes for its rather uncertain future inside! Well get in then!