Rob masks a desperate plea for a game based on Phillip K Dick’s mind-malfunctioning A Scanner Darkly behind some nonsensical rambling about drugs and video games and the inevitable downfall of the human race! Perfect Sunday evening reading by anybody’s standards. So long as those anybodies don’t have standards of course.
Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
Rob finally, ineloquently stumbles through the world of GTA Online, hand-held every step of the way by an experienced comrade yet still managing to feel, amongst other things, total isolation, irradiating jealously and ultimately, an active yearning for something less exciting. Who knows. Get inside and find out what he’s blathering on about then!
Microsoft’s Ken Lobb has trounced the ancient act of counting, claiming Crackdown’s latest doesn’t need a number three so there. Rob gratuitously takes this opportunity to moan about the art of dropping numbers in general.
We’re BACK. Because it’s E3. So. Y’know. Here’s why Microsoft did everything they said they would, and technically everything we wanted, but still managed to be a little on the quiet side. Jump in for the first of our E3 2014 articles, and watch Rob desperately try to enjoy himself. Ahem.
Jack Tretton has thrown the towel in. We suppose he had the mic wrapped up in there too, as we all know how he likes to lob those things about. As is the case though, Rob gives a little ode to ups and downs of Jack’s recent years tugging on the reins of Sony, and how in one fell swoop, everything changed for everybody’s favourite nervous uncle.
Far Cry: The Wild Expedition generously crams FOUR killer (well, mostly) games onto one disc, and in celebration, here’s a short synopsis of each game cleverly disguised as a reason to buy it! Because we all love lists don’t we. Lists and reasons. Reasons and lists. Jump on in to find out WHAT I THINK. Since you obviously care so much.
We’re BACK. Which is to insinuate we went away! Which we did! Only momentarily over Christmas whilst we drank ourselves into a furious haze that coupled over-nourishment might well have killed us! Anyway, we’re back from whatever that is, and are on hand here to tell you why 2014 will be less bad than you expected! Like Windows 7. But not Windows 8. H’oh no. Get inside and give it a butchers, kids!
We stick our ore in where it isn’t required and find out why Forza 5 caused such an uproar and ask what it means for the future? Also Turn 10 are disappointed in themselves. Well so you should be Turn 10. So you should be. Now go to your room and think about what you’ve done.
After tailing off on some story from several millenia ago, in which he also fleetingly mentioned Nvidia, Rob decides to show rampant displeasure in the face of other people SAYING THINGS. Namely Nvidia, who, by and large, manage to say very little in their interviews. More inside kids, get inside and slap your eyelids on this ‘un eh! EH!
ANOTHER Gone Playing? Yes, two of the same thing in a row, but we’ve not had anything to say all month, presumably because Rob’s been running our Stanley into the ground. Sort of. Watch as he coagulates with shameless joy in this post, and remember the days when he used to DISLIKE things with misty eyes! Why not.
To hell with reviews we say! Well, we don’t, but if we were going to, then this is how we’d say it! Find out about our brand new section Gone Playing, and whilst you’re there have a butchers at five questionable reasons we couldn’t get off GTA V! And people say we’re not real journalists. Cuh!
We’re at it again! This time we’ve got our hands ALL OVER the Nvidia Shield, something we were very much looking forward to doing! Find out what we thought of the machine, and our hopes for its rather uncertain future inside! Well get in then!
We’re BACK AGAIN folks with yet another Eurogamer Expo hands on! This time we valiantly and charitably take on the robotic might of the Nazis in Wolfenstein: The New Order. Is it good? Is it bad? Were we REICHtously impressed? (Sorry) Find out inside. Obviously.
We’re really hammering these out this year aren’t we. PS4 down, Xbox One to take the stage. Can Microsoft’s EGX 2013 offering compete? Will there be any games? How long would it take to bludgeon an innocent man to death using the console itself? The answers to these questions are not inside this preview! Get in and have a read. Well go on then.
We’re batting the next piece of Eurogamer Expo 2013 coverage off the shelves in this our Playstation 4 EGX round up! All the games they let us play, our thoughts on the new system and the controller and as much more as we could fit in before we were violently escorted from the premises! Hoorah.
We’re off! And in the first of an unstoppable SLEW of Eurogamer Expo based posts, we take on Respawn Entertainment’s ineffable Titanfall. It’s won our coveted Game of the Show Award, so find out why we couldn’t stop dribbling about it by reading our literary-based dribble INSIDE!
If you’re into arbitrarily delusional nostalgic spiels that don’t make a lick of sense, then Rob is going to OH-BLIGE your cravings by sticking together a short, unhinged and largely directionless jibber jabber about the current generation. In light of GTA V moments away from hitting shelves, he takes a moment to look into the last eight years.
TWO reviews in the space of a month? We’re mad right? Mad! Brian Mad from Madcastle! Jump on in to find out what on Earth we thought of Ubisoft’s latest loveable platformer Rayman Legends; does it compare to Origins? Is there ANYTHING different? Does it still feel like you’re playing a cartoon? Have their been too many question marks in this excerpt? All this and much less, inside!
Hayley is BACK, which is more than can be said for most of our other writers or comic creators. It’s not our fault. Honestly. Anyway, dive on in to Hayley’s latest scribbling in which she bodily tackles Easy Mode to the ground as a girly gamer, speaks brashly of its merits and denounces those that denounce it! Hoorah!