I”M BACK. I mean. For the moment. Here’s a stream of unintelligible thoughts I had when I played Firewatch a little while back. I quite liked it.
The Stanley Parable designer William Pugh has put out another game. It’s brilliant and free and everything you are not. Play it now. Drink it in. Improve your life.
I love Fallout. All I’ve ever wanted to do is wander around abandoned, ruined cities occasionally shooting robots. So why can’t I play 4? Read this inane dribbling to sort of find out!
PREVIEWS. We do those too, seemingly, and here we see Rob preening about in a coloured cloak and raising some demons to do the things he can’t be bothered to do in Nekro! Find out what he thought in this, our Early Access Preview!
Kim gets to grips with the first episode of the time-travelling life ’em up Life is Strange! Find out what she thought in this REVIEW. Which we do actually do. I just have to get other people to do them.
I know, a review, on Respawn!? You’ve got to be kidding? Nope. This here is LEGIT. So much so that it couldn’t possibly relinquish its tenure. So get your face buried into this page and find out what we thought of THREAKS’ bubble bouncing ‘beat’ ’em up (geddit) platformer Beatbuddy! Cor.
Our Max Payne 3 review looms ardently into the bullet and alcohol-splintered centre stage as Rob sits down with Rockstar’s third entry into this legendary series to have a good, hard chat with it. In slow motion too. He’s still there. It’s going on forever. Get inside and find out what we thought of Max’s Brazilian excursion!
FINALLY, we finished it. And finally we’ve managed to pen something that bares some sort of familiar reference to a fully-fledged, unabashed REVIEW. And what’s more, we’ve done it with NO SPOILERS. Yep, they’re coming later, when we take a closer look at that chin-waggery ending, but for now, dive right into our misty eyed reminisce of the time we poured into ME3 and find out if YOU should play it! Wop!
We thought it was high time SOMEONE said SOMETHING about this game. And then several weeks after we thought that, we bought it. Here then, is not a Minecraft REVIEW. Because it’s still in beta. But a handful of interesting indicators as to why Rob has lost his mind down a mine somewhere, and why we think a square-headed cow is probably responsible. READ ON AND SUCH!
We take a look at DUKE NUKEM: FOREVER, and before we can make puns about the Forever in that name, you should start reading. Because nobody likes over-used puns. Is Duke REALLY the unmitigated, life-ruining disappointment everyone seems to think it is?? Or did we already know all that? Rob questions why Duke Nukem: Forever made you all so mad. That’s right, you. You there.
Finally our Portal 2 review soars unwittingly onto your eyes, before accidentally portalling through the floor and coming out of the ceiling, beginning an endless, mesmerizing plummet into mind-numbing repetitiveness. Have Valve done it again? Could there be a realm where games better than Portal 1 really exist? Will there be a resultant overbearing tidal wave of internet memes?? READ WHAT WE THINK!!
We finally get to grips with this year’s most promising shooter so far. If you’re bored of testosterone encumbered shrieks of ‘Revive me!’, or mindless repetitive deathmatches, Brink is the one to set those lenses on! OR IS IT!?? Read Rob’s thoughts on Bethesda’s class-based TF2-alike FPS!
GO ON THEN!