So here we are, aching toward the end of the year, 2017 almost in the rear view mirror, and I find the time to write some ill-conceived garbage about owning a Nintendo Switch. How do you even put up with me?
It’s PARIS GAMES WEEK. Oo-la-la, je ne suis le grande poisson etc. Here I am milling over the announcements made at Sony’s killer (or not especially killer) conference!
Stumbling into the EGX show hall I was greeted by Pocket Sized Hands’ Honeypot Espionage, a VIVE VR game that almost had me smashing up their monitors.
Microsoft are laying down some sick burnz in the wake of Sony refusing to buddy up for Minecraft Cross Play, and with my keen intellect and poor journalism, I reckon I’ve figured out why.
E3 may be happening, and all the REAL journalists might be talking about that, but here’s a post about an iPhone port of a game older than time itself. #professionalism
I know it’s been a while, but I’ve been very busy. Anyway, with this site’s oldest partner in crime’s wedding out of the way, I scribbled some words on my run through The Temple of No the other night. It’s great. Play it now.
It’s video time AGAIN, as we show off Rob’s appalling sniper skills and his breathtaking ability to somehow miss an integral mechanic of the game and make the first few minutes of the video utterly redundant! We take a look at the downloadable preorder bonus for Hitman Absolution, which comes in the salacious form of a Sniper Challenge mission. Old baldy’s back. Are YOU getting it?
We tear open the special edition of the latest Max Payne, and splurge its guts all over Rob’s living room floor! Full video unboxing complete with an unfit-for-camera voice over and a little scrawling in the glorious name of video game STATUES.
Yep, here it is. In all its unfathomable glory. See Rob arduously flitting back and forth to the extent that his incoherent babble somehow becomes drawn out white noise. Rob splurges the low-down on what the fans are saying, why all the unceasing noise and what HE THINKS on the ending to Mass Effect 3, and there’s even a saucy conspiracy theory thrown in for good measure! Indoctrination proclamation?
FINALLY, we finished it. And finally we’ve managed to pen something that bares some sort of familiar reference to a fully-fledged, unabashed REVIEW. And what’s more, we’ve done it with NO SPOILERS. Yep, they’re coming later, when we take a closer look at that chin-waggery ending, but for now, dive right into our misty eyed reminisce of the time we poured into ME3 and find out if YOU should play it! Wop!
How quickly can Rob ruin your next prospective purchase with nought more than unending incessant rambling that will undoubtedly shuffle you mildly to the brink of sanity, and then cheekily poke you over the edge? The answer is eleven minutes, as we find out this week in our Future Soldier beta test video!
So, Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance has been released in Japan, and is set to release in Europe during summer BEFORE the USA. But Guesty takes a brief moment to reflect on how many in between, not really sequel games there have been now. It’s probably worth mentioning Guesty did this whilst sleep deprived and messed up one of the layers and kind of gave up on the whole strip and phoned it in. Story of his life.
So during his almost seemingly fruitless search for some decent games for his 3DS, Guesty soon remembered that Nintendo had just released Kid Icarus: Uprising. He did however find the game comes with a stand as the game play itself relies a lot on the stylus, the stand is supposed to assist the gamer and make it easier for them to control Ike. Guesty found this idea so preposterous he had to jam it into a crappy little JPEG that took a lot longer than it really should have. Take a look. It’s really awful.
Latest Apple rumour gets Rob all prospective as we take a look at what the latest addition to the endless accessory mountain could be, and how it could change the portable gaming plane FOREVER.
So! The last week or so has been quiet. Too quiet. Like that bit in that movie. And whilst we all sit reverberating slightly from the ROLLERCOASTER ride that GAME have ridden the last few weeks, the upshot of it all is, we’ve been busy playing Mass Effect 3. Amongst other things. And haven’t really noticed. Guesty fancied illustrating those things by way of THE PEN. The digital pen. Click for an accurate, true-to-life depiction of what we’ve definitely been up to!
Guesty couldn’t sleep last night, so obviously thought that it was the perfect time to start babbling incoherently about a game that’s been out for over a year. Well ok, to be specific he’s rambling on about why he’s looking forward to the sequel, and why you should be too!
To coincide with Rob’s recent article, he has enlisted Guesty to create an image to best represent the current situation in regards to video game specialist retail stores. There’s a bottom in it.
It’s been a right old week hasn’t it, and as such, Rob digs deep to try and scour some news that doesn’t make you want to make nonchalant hand gestures and indistinct murmuring noises whenever someone comments on the weather. Or something. So here’s Marcus ‘Minecraft’ ‘Notch’ Persson to make everything better. Nawh.
This week, Rob extravagantly eyeballs GAMING RETAIL, takes a look at exactly what THE PRESS have been saying about the big players GAME and Gamestation recently, and why it currently looks like their marketing department is comprised of a drunken Stanley Kubrick and five field mice. And of course, finishes by telling you WHAT they should do about it. Because he knows, you know.
That’s right, exclusive PLAYSTATION VITA UNBOXING videos are right on inside, with the backing of Rob’s sensual, stirring voice to stammer and splutter and mispronounce and leave long, questionable pauses all the way through! Get in there and find out what comes in Sony’s latest portable pandemonium purveyor!