It’s 2014! And let’s face it we didn’t so much explode into the year with the unhinged voracity of an insatiable horse, ahem, as we did slink into it with the uninterested enthusiasm of a listlessly dribbling badger. BUT, there are things to look forward to. Supposedly. Yes, it’s ‘one of these’, another unnecessary collection of things we’re obviously looking forward to in 2014. Because who wouldn’t be looking forward to these things in 2014. A blind person, you inspirationally suggest. Be quiet you, I tell the jokes here.
SO, what platitudinal suggestions could we possibly have clawed together in the name of optimism and ‘the year ahead’ this time? We’ve been told, if you put your ear to the monitor, and listen very closely, you can actually hear the sound of the barrel scraping. Lovely.
Yes, it’s on everybody’s face. Or lips. And since we’ve chosen gratuitous platitudes as the theme for this blog post, then Titanfall is a fittingly phallic shaped first item that we can snugly insert into our moist narrative-vehicular reticule to kick things off. Sigh. And also sorry. We played Titanfall at Eurogamer last year, and despite the Xbox One currently being about as interesting as custard, it made us jump up and down in giddy fits of infuriating excitement. The stand reps certainly weren’t impressed anyway. This fella’ arrives in March, and we are positively dripping for it.
This was another fancy piece of tech we managed to incessantly paw the moment someone’s back was turned at an event. Honestly, one scarcely needs to be Sherlock Holmes or even Martin Freeman to ascertain the utter ball-bouncingly exciting prospect of the Oculus Rift’s consumer release. If you don’t know what we’re talking about, find a chiropractor, because living under a rock can’t be good for you, and also Google Oculus Rift immediately; then stand back and BE AMAZED. Though we’re not so sure we’ll see the full release this year, undoubtedly there’s a larger Oculus story to be told over the next 12 months.
The Consumer Electronics Show, or CES to the initiated, is happening over in Vegas right now. The event had barely opened its mouth to speak before Nvidia burst through the door with their tongues flabbering everywhere, elated at being able to spill the beans on their portable processor that will reportedly tear out your eyeballs and use them to cook dinner. Or something.
Regular readers will know that we’ve always been quite interested in a real portable gaming experience, so much so that we even claimed the Nvidia Shield wasn’t that bad, and have felt a little let down by the Vita’s stubbly, little-toe analogue sticks. Each year we hope for something better in the portable sector, and with the year technically beginning with such a bang, we’re pretty hopeful 2014 will deliver us something tasty.
The Tegra K1, the processor in question, delivers a game-changing leap in portable visual power. The jump is illustrated below, via the usual vessel of a weird bloke’s face. Also they’re going to put it in a Ford Focus. Or something.
Good (console) Games
I know we’ve mentioned it a lot, but there’s something to be said for violently hammering a point home. Like I hear they do at Eton. I’m looking forward to next-gen, or now-gen consoles becoming an attractive buying proposition, and the only way that small miracle will be achieved will be through a flourish of those salacious in-development GAMES. Remember those? Like they had in the good old days. With Dark Souls 2, Witcher 3, The Division and of course Metal Gear Solid: V but a fraction of the collection currently whetting our appetite to the point of severe local flood warnings, 2014 will see the next generation really step it up a gear. Or maybe not, and the whole industry will grind to a hilarious halt. Who knows.
When asked about the Xbox One achieving 3 million sales, Gabe Newell politely informed the questionee that, while yes 3 million is impressive, it’s got a bit of a way to go in catching Steam’s 65 million userbase; something that won’t be at all damaged by the 2014 advent of Xbox-competing STEAM MACHINES. Valve never fail to deliver an interesting year, and with something tangible to go on this time around (as opposed to simply forcibly strangling strangers for the opportunity to yell ‘Half Life 3 confirmed’) watching how they fare squaring off directly against the console giants might just be the match up we’ve all been salivating to see.
So there you have it kids. Who agrees? Who disagrees? Who thinks I should keep my vague banal and uninteresting opinion to myself? More importantly, what did I miss? Answers on a postcard, or just stick them in the Facebook comments below if that’s quicker. Happy New Year eh.