Mark Cerny has been flabbering his lips to MCV so we thought we’d take the unsolicited liberty of making a profusely needless video thanking him for such profound words. Inside you’ll find such delights as Rob’s irritating voice, some irrelevant pictures, and the opportunity to feel like you’ve wasted a good deal of your life! For those of you that are into READING, and BOOKS and WORDS, there’s even the transcript below. Which is fancy isn’t it? Well, the word transcript is fancy anyway. Give this a click and if you’re confused by the accent, or are struggling to hear it over the sound of your own screaming, we cordially invite you to HAVE YOURSELF A READ. Cor.
It’s good to know that Sony are on the ball isn’t it? It’s good to think, by, that Kaz Hirai knows what he’s doing when he brings out hyper-expensive progress bar simulators with bluray players nailed to the side. It’s comforting to know that when it looks like the ship is sinking, he can ingeniously pour his quickly diminishing reams of Monopoly cash into an inherently flawed late-90’s novelty, only to stop talking about the technology altogether a year later, presumably after realizing its usability is akin to trying to consume ice cream through your nasal passage. You can’t see so well and it hurts. I don’t know about you, but I have complete trust in everything those clever chaps at Sony do, and now I have even more reason to be devastatingly incorrect. Don’t worry folks, someone, somewhere, will actually be able to USE the PS4.
Yes Mark Cerny, a man who appeared at the launch event of the new Playstation looking like a Thunderbird tethered to a loveless relationship
with two kids and a Ford Mondeo, and talking like he might have been trying to subversively induct everyone into a cult of some description, has come out and proclaimed that Sony will be breaking ground with their newest concept for the PS4: a console that DOESN’T require a nuclear physicist on the dev team.
The direct quote goes something like this: “The biggest thing was that we didn’t want the hardware to be a puzzle that programmers would be needing to solve to make quality titles”. Cerny commented, presumably without realizing how hurt his good friend Rubik would be.
Well praise the heavens for Sony eh. Cerny proudly proclaims this gorging feat, this towering accomplishment as if Sony had slimmed the Hadron Collider down into something that could be operated effectively by Michael Ball’s trouser press. That’s right everyone, we went out on a LIMB to make sure that making games for our new machine wasn’t the programming equivalent of gluing jelly to a cat. Or something, you get the picture, with any luck.
I mean, it’s great news Cerny, really it is; having a machine developers can actually use is probably going to be a real asset for you this generation, but we’re not so sure you should be announcing it like the second coming of Jesus. Because what that quote actually says is ‘The biggest thing was that we didn’t want to get every last fucking thing wrong again’, and we’d all have lots more respect if you just said that. Well, perhaps.
It’d have been magical to be in the boardroom that day, gathered round the projector, bouncing ideas around the group, and suddenly Mark Cerny drops in knocking a tall standing lamp over with the unending protrusion that is his cheekbones and drops this platitudinal corker. Not a puzzle you say hey Cerny? It’s just so crazy it could work! Promote that man! And then Cerny would grin; knocking over yet more office furniture.
The PS4 is certainly looking promising, and with the likely increase in studios not exasperatingly eating their dev kits through a haze of uncontrollable tears, Sony could genuinely have a winner on their hands come the inevitable next-gen showdown. With their pledged support for an open, indie-focused platform including a Sony-specific Unity environment, it could really be a new chapter for the blunderous, clumsy embarrassment that has been SCE these last few years. We remain at least partially positive on that front anyway. Stay tuned to Respawn for more, and if they gaudily announce they’re finally including charging leads that break into centimetre territory, presumably with the kind of prestige and authority you’d usually reserve for the reveal of the world’s first talking armchair, you’ll hear about it here first. Probably. Okay you won’t.