Here we go again then boys and girls! It’s time for a big fat slice of dead-hooker flavoured Grand Theft Auto V pie! If you hadn’t heard, American games magazine and sprawling media behemoth Game Informer recently had a sit down with some rockstar type folk and had a very serious talk. And once Chad Kroeger had left, bewildered, they moved on to grilling the developers over at Rockstar Games about that small indie project they’ve got coming up that you’re unlikely to have heard of. WE’VE GOT ALL THE JOKES OVER HERE. Sorry. We’ll stop.
Here then is a breakdown of exactly what was extracted from the lifeless carcasses of those developers post interview! There’s a few tasty treats secreted within the folds of this page, so hold on to your trousers and prepare yourself for painfully inevitable excitement!
Firstly, the most notable, widely discussed announcement was pertaining to the fact that you will be playing as THREE different characters throughout the course of the game. Yes the three main protagonists, each with their individual narrative, motivations and excuses for being the low-life, criminal yobs they are, will be playable AMBIENTLY. Incidently, this doesn’t mean ‘by candlelight’, and in fact means that, at any time during gameplay, you’ll be able to hit a button and switch up your dudes. Fun. Perhaps.
And the residence in which our three anti-heroes live out their depraved lives, idolized by mindless children the world over, beating up innocents and stealing cars? Los Santos of course; apparently part of the current-gen canon, this city exists in the same world as GTA IV and its off shoots; you’ll hear nought from the era of San Andreas or its predecessors. How surprising.
Of course, size is everything, and if your mind has wandered, entirely unphallicly, of course, in the direction of how BIG Los Santos might be, Rockstar have confirmed their playground is; I hope you’re ready for this, larger than the cities and maps of San Andreas, GTA IV and Red Dead Redemption PUT TOGETHER. Christ. That’s. Urm. Pretty big.
If you were lucky enough to play RDR, (and if you haven’t, go do that immediately) you’ll no doubt have fallen victim to the game’s cruel web of deceit that has you unknowingly picking flowers for hours on end, and then wondering why you’ve not progressed the storyline at all. Not to mention rescuing townsfolk, returning their stolen items, fixing their wagons, feeding their cats and ironing their shirts etc. and all this happens DYNAMICALLY. It was one of the game’s most beautiful aspects and it’s reportedly making a return in the fifth Grand Theft Auto. Presumably hookers will come running up to you loudly complaining their pimp’s let a load of cows loose, and you’re required to herd them back their pen. Or something.
Naturally, there’s a tweaked and sharpened engine thrown in to the mix here as well, with reportedly sturdier, more realistically proportioned character models, with better walking animations and improved driving mechanics; which will hopefully please some of you whingers who couldn’t grasp the physics on GTA IV.
We’re told heists will play a big role in the narrative, and sit sweetly with this triple-threat character hinge, allowing you to switch between the guy in the building sniping, the bloke waving the gun and about, and the madman abseiling in from the roof. You’d naturally assume also, concerning the threesome, that co-op will slide provocatively into the saddle here as well. INTERESTING. If you’ve got friends, anyway. I don’t.
And lastly, it has been confirmed that GTA V will feature an ORIGINAL SOUNDTRACK. Something we always loved about GTA III was its hilarious in-house soundtrack, showcasing such winners as pop parody ‘She’s On Fire’, not to mention the incomparable talk show chatterbox. Rockstar have a history of putting out whoppingly fantastic scores and a whilst GTA has always, always had an outstanding soundtrack, a return to the many satirical tones of stations we once loved is more than fine by us!
The next trailer is ready to launch on 14th November, so keep your eyes peeled to our pages for a first look! Are you excited for a new GTA? Are you bored with the series? Did you think Sleeping Dogs was a better attempt at sandboxing? Let us know in the comments!
[UPDATE] And here is that very trailer we discussed in the PAST! Ah the past. What WERE we thinking last Tuesday. Those hairstyles eh. Crazy. Anyway, enjoy this delicious trailer and tell us in the comments how desperate you are to drive a jeep out of a plane. Cause we are. Really. Flipping. Desperate.