There comes a time in every man’s life wherein he must play Child of Eden. Which is a false statement as the game is entirely avoidable. Here at Respawn though, we’re facing these arduous tasks HEAD ON, so you don’t have to! Or so you can watch us fail miserably at games most woodlouse could grasp with an equal measure of training. As such, our Let’s Not Play series of videos, which, at the moment consists of just one, is coming in your ears, eyes and general face area today!
We kick off with insanity-central Kinect-em-up Child of Eden as, in a rare event where you have to see our faces, we delve into the frequent inanities that come with wildly flailing your arms in the general direction of the TV. It was horrific, and involved too much blue penis for my liking. The Watchmen walked a fine line that Child of Eden crosses.
Not only that but I’m rubbish at it. It might be all the standing up, I’m not completely sure, but what I do know is that I actually had a bit of fun being awful at it, though undoubtedly I had more fun with Rez, Child of Eden’s spiritual predecessor (which, if you haven’t played already, is still available via Xbox Live for some points, and I suggest you go get that immediately if not sooner.) It had buttons and everything.
So does Child of Eden capture the Kinect’s functionality? No. It does capture its concept though, but through a haze of accidental pauses and Guesty being better at it than me, the system was simply too unresponsive for prolonged enjoyment. Yes it’s a given with Kinect games, but the long and short of it is we were promised Minority Report and we were given Jenga. Or something. Have a mooch at this video and try not to die!